Again, I'm not denying this. I'm saying it's silly to act as if this is the fault of every male human being, even the teenagers who are the subject of this article, who isn't actively "dismantling the patriarchy." Just as it's silly to pretend that the experiences of racism that I, and probably every single black person you know have experienced, is the fault of every pale skinned human being who isn't, "actively dismantling white supremacy."
It's silly, in part, because what the hell does this even mean? Please, could you give me a set of actionable steps, that I can take, to dismantle the patriarchy? Are you and all the women you know (even just the self-described feminists) taking these steps?
Do I need to read some feminist theory? I have. Do I need to stand up to men who mistreat women? I have. Do I need to pay attention to the way society treats women? I do. I honestly try to do all of these things. And yet, mysteriously enough, the patriarchy survives. Is that still my fault? Am I still "a part of the problem"? And if so, why? Is it because I have a penis? Because the penis is staying.
I have no doubt that you've talked to more women than I have about feminism. My point was, I suspect you haven't talked to many women or men about the needs and experiences of men. So while you're asking that I #dothework, you appear resolutely unwilling to do the same.
I'm not asking you to have sympathy for men who fantasise about hurting or killing women. I think vanishingly few men are asking for that. Men are asking not to be constantly told to listen by people who refuse to listen to them. They’re asking not to be constantly held accountable for the worst human beings who happen to share their anatomy. That Gilette ad? I didn’t lose my shit. I found it a little tiresome and pandering and aimed purely at taking advantage of a cultural moment for attention and revenue. Because what I’m trying to explain, both here and in the article, is that the constant dripfeeding of a message that says “you’re to blame for all these problems simply because you’re a man,” is neither true nor helpful. To men or women.
The utter unwillingness to acknowledge this is part of the reason why young men feel hopeless. Why they feel demonised. And, most importantly, why they aren’t interested in listening to you. Because you show, over and over again, that you’re not remotely interested in listening to them.
Anyway, sad to say, I don’t think we’re getting anywhere here. My overarching point, that I’ve repeated in as many different ways as I can think of, is that whether it’s antiracism or feminism or anything else, this trend of holding entire identity groups responsible for the state of society or blaming them for the behaviour of their worst members is both silly and counterproductive. I don’t hold you responsible for the racism in society because you’re white. I think that would be ridiculous. And I think it’s equally ridiculous for you to hold me, or worse, a teenage boy, responsible for the misogyny in society.
There are many men who care about the various injustices in the world. Many of us speak up and take action, regardless of the silly things that get said about us, because we know it’s the right thing to do. But I don’t believe you’ll win a single new person to the fight with this lazy collectivism. And worse, you’ll provide ammunition to the Andrew Tate’s of the world. To be super clear, I’m not blaming women in general for this. I’m blaming people, apparently like you, who can’t see men in general as anything but a problem.
