Ah, okay. So you said that JK Rowling advocates heavily for limiting trans people's access to healthcare, but it turns out that's not true. So now you're switching to guilt by association. I wonder what would happen if I asked you to provide evidence of Rowling "routinely expressing support" for organisations that advocate for these "pretty extreme things" Or more details for what these extreme things are.

Is it possible that you've simply turned this woman into an avatar for all the things you dislike or are fearful about in the discourse around trans rights? Is it possible you're being completely unfair by holding her responsible or complicit in everything anybody she's ever mentioned has done or said?

And as for what would satisfy me, I have no idea why you're trying to frame me as your persecutor. I'm not against you. I want you to be happy and live your best life. I wan that for everybody. But the simple fact is, the world will not always welcome you in exactly the way you want it to. This is true for absolutely everybody.

There have been times when I’ve felt excluded by the women in my life because I'm not one. This is not their problem. There are spaces I’m not allowed into as a man, EVEN THOUGH I’VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING TO ANY OF THEM EITHER. This is not women’s problem.

There is so much deep seated self-obsession in this conversation. You’re not alone in having been abused in your life. Many men have been too. That doesn't grant us the right to female spaces. You're not alone in not being allowed access to any space you want just because you're not a bad person. The overwhelming majority of men aren't bad people either. You're not alone in being asked to think of the comfort of others, even if doing so inconveniences you. In fact, though you'd never know it from modern gender discourse, men are expected to do this all the time!

Note, this entire discourse is about the comfort of women. When we talk about trans people in this context, we're almost exclusively talking about trans women. Why? Because this conversation isn't about trans exclusion at all. It's about women's rights. If you present in a way that’s coded male, you face different stigma to those who code female. Again, welcome to manhood! It’s not all dick-swinging patriarchy and toxic masculinity!

Along with your transition come changes to the way you're perceived and treated in the world. This isn't necessarily "fair", but it's inevitable. Men don't move through the world as easily as some women seem to think they do. We're far more often treated with distrust and suspicion than women. And we have to learn to understand where that's coming from and not take it personally.

Trans people add an extra layer of complexity to the admittedly simplistic coding of man "bad", woman "good" that we've absorbed as a society. But those codings do exist for a reason. So it's extremely difficult, and dangerous to women, to simply throw them away.

I truly do have empathy for the situation you're in. I truly want you to have, and believe you deserve, spaces where you feel safe and comfortable and welcome. But we need to have better, more honest conversations if we're going to understand each other better. And frankly, the way people like Rowling are abused and misrepresented (including by you in this conversation) makes many others fearful and distrustful of the possibility of an honest conversation.