Ah! This is right in my wheelhouse!😁 They’re talking about mistaking a thought or feeling for yourself.
For example, say you feel angry. You know you feel that because you feel a certain pattern of tension in your chest or face, perhaps your heart beats faster or your palms sweat. You didn't choose any of these things. You don't decide whether you're going to feel angry or not, but instead of recognising these as sensations and recognising your ability to choose how you react to them, you become angry. You are angry. It's no longer a feeling anymore, for however long you're ensnared by it, it's you. The principle of non-attachment in Buddhism is about breaking this cycle of identifying with your feelings.
The way we've come to use identity lately is similar. Your skin is a certain colour, your genitals are configured in a certain way. You didn't choose any of these things. But instead of recognising these things as incidental to who you are, some people define themselves by them. In this case, saying "I am black" isn't just a description of my skin, it's an identity. I identify with the suffering of people who lived hundreds of years ago, even though their lives have nothing to do with me. I define myself by oppression if I have black skin, even if I'm rich and famous and powerful. When a black person dies on TV, I'm invested in seeing it as evidence of that system of oppression, even if it's clearly unrelated.
My main issue with identity, as I said earlier, is that it forces people into boxes that are too small for them. This leads to suffering in numerous ways.
First, it makes people feel as if certain aspects of life are off-limits: "I'm a man, I can't let my emotions show." "I'm straight, I can't acknowledge my feelings for this person of the same sex."
Second, when people's lives change, the loss of identity puts them in crisis: “I'm a dancer, but I'm too old to dance as I used to or I broke my leg or my feelings about dancing simply changed. Who am I now?”
Third, and perhaps most importantly, it closes us off to other people who might otherwise be valuable additions to our lives. "O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name; or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love. And I'll no longer be a Capulet." (I kid, but you see my point.)
Weighed against that, is the sense of community identity can bring. But we all have a shared, irrevocable identity from birth to death. We are human. We understand so much about each other's desires and needs and vulnerbilities by just this simple fact. As you say, when you think about it, you need to recognise smaller and smaller subdivisions of these identities. And at the end of that process is a personality.
Acknowledging that we're complex and changeable is less secure than putting people in boxes and expecting them to stay there. Getting to know each other is slower and more difficult than slapping on an identity label. But it's better in every single way.
