Before I say anything else, I want to say, for what it's worth, how sorry I am for what you went through here and how wrong it is. I've seen and intervened in this kind of behaviour more than a few times and it's sickening. There's no excuse. Alcohol, "boys being boys", what you were wearing, none of it is relevant to how disgusting and wrong their behaviour was.

But here it is. The vague, "accusatory without being helpful" advice that I see coming from victimised groups at the end of their anecdotes. Women, people of colour, the LGBT community, it's always anger towards an entire group of people for the sins of a few, and then, if the members of that evil group want redemption, they need to "do the work".

What work?! What work done by #allmen would allow you to see that it's a #tinyminorityofmen? Does that minority deserve our condemnation? Of course! Should more men stand up and speak out and make it clear that this kind of behaviour is unacceptable? Absolutely! But sadly, truly sadly, that's not the issue at hand.

The man who killed Sarah Everard already knew what he was doing was wrong. He did it anyway. He isn't going to "do the work". He isn't reading articles on Medium about how to be a better ally to women. The men you're talking to here, the ones who care enough to read yet another article telling us how awful we are in the hopes of learning something, are the ones you have an opportunity to reach. So instead of judging us by the standards of the worst people who happen to share our anatomy, why not speak to us *specifically* about how you'd like us to help?