Hi Ellen! I know this is a common outlook but I find it really sad. I’m still friends with a number of my exes and they bring huge value to my life. We were together for a reason, and just because we discovered that we weren’t romantically compatible doesn’t mean that everything else suddenly became worthless.

In fact, if everything about the other person becomes worthless the moment you’re no longer in a romantic relationship with them, did you ever really see them as more than a trinket to fill the relationship box in your life? Are they a person in their own right? Or is their value only in making you feel loved on a particular way?

I agree that it’s generally a bad idea to get back together with an ex, but “dead to me” or “future spouse” aren’t the only options.