Hi Jodi, I think the key point here (especially relevant to the toddler framing) is to learn to feel confident thinking for yourself. When my opinion inevitably conflicts with that of another black person, what will you do? If you put yourself in a position. where you're simply following orders, you have no way of appraising whether you're doing more harm than good. This involves listening, yes, but it also involves the more difficult work of self-examination and self-questioning. I know that some people make questioning difficult, my only advice is to seek out those who don't.

Speaking of which, to answer your question, it would be a very sad state of affairs if only black people were allowed to speak out about racism. Of course, if you see a problem you don't need permission to speak on it, when I said I didn't need anybody to speak on my behalf, I didn't mean that people SHOULDN'T, just that it's not anybody's duty. Speak on what YOU feel should be spoken about. My only caveat (to avoid the attention-draining trivialities I mention in the article) is that you should ask yourself whether the problem you're pointing out will make a difference. If every PB&J is wiped from the Earth and every robot is painted black, the needle wouldn't move on racism at all. I think it's valuable to ask whether what you're putting into the world will help anybody change their thinking for the better. If you believe the answer is yes, please don't hesitate.

Lastly I want to touch on your point about intent vs impact. Again, this is just my opinion, but I think this is completely backwards. The focus on impact means that we create a world where the only way not to be a bigot is to remain silent on issues we desperately need to talk about. Because conversations about racism will be messy. Feelings will be hurt. Words will be imprecise or misinterpreted. People will be triggered. There's no way to make real progress unless we all accept this and have those conversations anyway.

I'm not trying to minimise anybody's feelings, but I am saying that feeling upset doesn't mean you're in the right. Everybody who has ever been in a romantic relationship can attest to that. If somebody is hurt, the best way forward is usually to listen to them. To take them seriously and hear them. To figure out how to avoid that problem in the future. But if they refuse to offer you the same courtesy, if they can't acknowledge that they may have misinterpreted your intent or failed to see your perspective, then that's not the foundation for growth or progress, it's simply emotional blackmail.