I honestly can't imagine what it must be like to have this level of melodrama be your default. It doesn't seem like you're really interested in a discussion so I won't try.

I'll simply say that yes, I know that "nice racists" exist, I know they can be exhausting, and so can people who act as if their every waking moment is a valiant, desparate struggle against the forces of evil.

I don't know where you live or what you're going through. Maybe things really are as bad as you imply. But nothing you've written here even attempts to make that case.