I think the entire concept of identity is trying to jam yourself into a box of stereotypes and then insisting on ever smaller subdivisions when you discover that you're too complex a being to fit.

For example, I don't "identify as black" I am black. Black is a descriptor. I fit some stereotypes and don't fit others and this doesn't bother me in the least because why on Earth should the colour of my skin be an "identity"?! Same for being a man, same for being heterosexual. Same for any other label one might apply to me.

Even my personality is subject to change. I'm a different person in some ways to the person I was 10 years ago. Which one is the "real" me? Or perhaps better put, which one is closer to my true "identity"?

In this vein, repressed homosexuality is clinging to an identity (heterosexual, "manly man", whatever) that doesn't fit. Again, you try to force yourself into a box, discover that parts of you don't fit, and get mad at the world when it points this out.

I don't think identity needs untangling, it needs dismantling. You are who you are. There is no label for it. No single word (or book!) that can define it. And best of all, it's all subject to change. That's why I think the word "personality" comes closest.