Sorry, I'm not trying to be disrespectful. I was using male synonymously with masculine. So to rephrase my point, if you present as masculine (and yes, a beard is a pretty heavy signifier of masculinity), you willl make some women uncomfortable in female only spaces.

We are, largely, beyond what men/women dress like, but no, the overwhelming majority, like 98% of society, is not beyond what men and women look like. Human beings are adapted to detect, without even trying, a thousand subtle cues that denote masculinity/femininity. It's not reasonable to expect everybody to just forget or ignore all of that because you've personally decided that you're happier not conforming to these cues.

It's not that I don't hear your point about being cut off from support. Again, I don't think that's fair on you. I don't want that for you or anybody. But I'm asking you to acknowledge that as much as you feel as if they're gatekeeping femaleness, isn't it also true to say that you have, at least in part, opted out of femaleness? Or perhaps it's better to say femininity? Again, you are asking for your choices to have absolutely no repercussions in how you're perceived. I don't think that's reasonable. Nobody, absolutely nobody, is afforded this privilege.

So yes, I recognise that this situation is about you. Of course it is. My point is that it isn't just about you. I haven't said you don't have the right to express your opinion at all. I've said you don't have a right to decide what it's fair for other women to feel. I'm asking you to think seriously about the feelings of other people too. I'm asking this because I think if you do, you'll feel less personally attacked by the way some of those women feel.

I'm saying that it's not hard to understand how a woman who had recently been raped, and was in a space she believed to be safe from that trigger, might be seriously upset to encounter a masculine looking person with a beard. I don't know what the perfect solution to that situation is. As I said, I don't have all the answers. But I do know that the beard is your choice and the rape isn't hers. Do you think that maybe the onus is on you to help her feel more comfortable in those extreme circumstances?

And no, I didn't avoid the issue of trans men in bathrooms. I didn't avoid it in the article either. I think we agree here. I think trans women should use women's bathrooms and I think trans men should use men's bathrooms. I wrote an entire article on the topic. And yes, my argument largely hinged on the same argument you're making. Bathrooms aren't segregated by sex, they're segregated by masculinity/femininity. So forcing a trans man to use a women's bathroom simply normalises the sight of masculine people using women's bathrooms. I completely agree.

The point is, there's a difference between a bathroom and a changing room and a rape crisis centre. They are different scenarios, that exist for different purposes, and therefore may require different policies. A woman can have privacy in a bathroom that she would find more difficult in a changing room. A woman in a rape crisis centre is in a very different state of mind that in a changing room. I don't think there's a one-size fits all solution.

I have a dog in the fight, as I feel I do in all fights regarding fairness and kindness and safety, because I care about people and the kind of society I live in. I'm not the kind of person who will look at a situation I think is unjust and say "that's nothing to do with me because it doesn't directly affect me."

And as you haven't yet even attempted to show that Rowling is guilty of any of the things you say, and as I have spent a great deal of time looking at her comments on Twitter and elsewhere (I just wrote an article about her comments remember, I daresay I've looked at them more carefully than you have), I think my example of guilt by association is perfectly valid (to be clear I would never use guilt by association. I think it’s awful. My example was purely illustrative). You've never supported the extremist trans activists as far as I know, and Rowling has never supported the extremist TERFs as far as you know. The difference is, I'm not saying that you have supported them when I have no evidence. I'm not claiming that you're advocating to have Rowling raped or blown up, as you claimed that Rowling was advocating to deny trans people healthcare .That you're trying to gaslight me about it is weird and dishonest.

If you think you're the only one doing "emotional labour" in this conversation, I don't kow what to tell you. I'm working hard to be patient and polite. I find the effort worth it. If you don't, that is, of course, totally fair enough. If you want the last word, just ask me not to reply to any further comments you make and I won't. I think I've said everything I can usefully say on the topic anyway.