The White Person’s Definitive Guide To People Of Colour

Everything you wanted to know but were too racist to ask.

Steve QJ

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Photo by Katerina Holmes

When you’re a person of colour, and your friend sends you an article entitled “100 Ways White People Can Make Life Less Frustrating For People of Color,” you know it’s going to be rough.

Not only because you learn that cynical, race-baiting garbage like this can still rack up over fifteen million views on social media.

Not only because — unless racists have started scouring the internet for tips on being less racist — you know this is just another virtue-signalling, preaching-to-the-converted waste of time.

But because the vast majority of your race-related frustration comes from articles like, “Fifty Things NOT To Say To Black People,” and “7 Ways to Support and Center People of Colour,” and “13 Harmless Phrases Guaranteed To Make People Of Colour’s Sensitive Little Brains Explode.” (That last one isn’t real yet, but give it time.)

So imagine my surprise when I discovered that if my friend had just read rule 18, she’d wouldn’t have sent it in the first place:

18. When you find instances of racist bullshit online, please don’t send it to us.

Had I underestimated the wisdom this list contained? Were there ninety-nine similar revelations just waiting to be discovered? If I read the whole thing, will I be spared from seeing nonsense like this ever again?

There’s only one way to find out.

As you’d expect from a 100-strong catalogue of racial grievances, we get straight to the most pressing issues people of colour face.

No, silly, not housing inequality or sentencing disparities or hiring bias. I’m talking about the really urgent stuff like which memes white people are allowed to use (rule 11) and what hairstyles they’re allowed to have (82), and whether they should play the Weeknd or the Arctic Monkeys at house parties (12).

But don’t get too comfortable. There’s also a troubling contradiction lurking in the first two rules:

1. Just because you can’t see racism around you doesn’t mean it’s not happening. Trust people of colour’s assessment of a situation.

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Steve QJ

Race. Politics. Culture. Sometimes other things. Almost always polite. Find more at https://steveqj.substack.com