There's a lot to talk about in this reply, but I'm just going to focus on the above quote and one other part.
If you don't have a solution, if you don't at least know what your end goal is and an idea of how you might reach it, even if it's imperfect, you're just flailing around blindly. There is the possibility that your flailing will hit the mark but it's unlikely. Much more likely is that it gives you the satisfaction of believing that you're doing your part, whilst actually achieving very little.
Anti-racism is not an eternal struggle. This is a hopelessly broken way of looking at the problem. What urgent, preventable problem that affects you personally, that might kill members of your family, that limits your life and the lives of your childen, could you blithely dismiss as an asymptotic struggle that will never be fixed? I'm not trying to attack you here, just pointing out that this is a point of view that only somebody without a stake in this fight can afford to hold.
Secondly, there's the section where you talk about the emotional labour of black "folx" (serious question, what's with this misspelling? I know you didn't start this, I'm just bafffled at what it's supposed to achieve) and the difficulty of having these discussions. Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm willing to bet that you've been inivolved in very few of these discussions. Yet you talk about them as if you understand them because you've heard about them second hand. Hearing you parrot words that you haven't lived, especially to those of us that HAVE lived them, is, to put it mildly, frustrating.
Again, I don't mean to attack you personally. Lots of people do this. But it's infuriating to people like me who have had lots of them and know that they can be transformative. Yes, sometimes they're difficult. Sometimes people get defensive. Sometimes it's frustrating explaining the same thing over and over again. But these discussions are inevitably going to be uncomfortable. They tackle issues which have caused genuine pain and suffering. That's no excuse for not having them. And especially no excuse for exclduing the very people who need to hear these words most. If they don't listen or agree, then you're in the same position you were before. But if they understand, even a little, even if it's difficult, it's worth it. Prioritising comfort over effectiveness is not a recipe for progress.
Let me end on a more helpful note. I totally didn't intend to give you a hard time writing this. Your heart seems to be in the right place, but what would be most helpful to black people is not somebody who will blindly follow orders or repeat doctrine. We need people who can speak for themselves out of experience. We need people who are comfortable with the fact that there isn't one single black experience, and who understand that talking about us as if we can't emotionally handle the difficulties of anti-racist work, however well-intentioned, isn't helpful. (In fact, it's always the people doing the least to actually help who can't cope.) We need people who care (as you seem to) to step out from our shadow and speak using your own words, using your own spellings (!) and to be willing to ask questions, both of us and of yourself.
This last especially, I realise is difficult. Too many black people will label you a racist or otherwise shut you down as soon as you question the orthodoxy. I'd implore you to seek out more of us who aren't like that. Wow. This was way longer than intented 😅 I hope there's something of value in there.
