We aren't talking over each other. The beauty of this format is that talking over the other person is impossible. My issue is that you talk as if you have everything figured out when you very, very clearly don't.

You want "to make sure white people know the score" when YOU don't know the score, that's apparent already from our brief conversation. I'm not trying to give you a hard time about that, nobody understands anything perfectly, but don't position yourself as an educator for white people while you still have plenty to learn. And especially don't talk to a black race writer about racism as if you understand it better than they do. That's almost guaranteed to get their back up.

I think white people get angry about being called privileged both because they don't understand what it means (nor does the person making the accusation most of the time) AND because it's a worthless accusation.

Okay, you have white privilege. Now what? Does my life improve because you agree? Is it worse if you argue? It's this vague accusatory comment with no suggestion of what should be done or why they should feel bad about it which causes the issue.

I have plenty of privileges. I'm smart (an enormous and underrated advantage in life), I'm well educated, I'm reasonably attractive, I'm a native English speaker, I'm able bodied, on and on. I did nothing to earn these things, they were handed to me on a platter by chance (and in the case of my education my parents). But the combination of these factors has made my path through life much easier than many white people I know.

Again, so what? Where does that leave us? This bickering about one advantage while ignoring all other context is why people get angry and defensive. I wrote an article about privilege recently. Hardly any pushback. Plenty of white people saying they understood the issue better. Why? Because I'm not presenting these issues in simplistic, divisive, meaningless terms.

Again, if you want to improve the way white people think about racism, understand it better yourself. Not just by reading CRT books, but by speaking to a diverse range of voices. Seek out people who disagree with you. Have conversations with them. Think deeply about those conversations. Rinse and repeat.

Also don't rely on exaggeration in your arguments, it loses you credibility. These problems don't need to be exaggerated. If the person you're speaking to doesn’t care after you've explained them accurately, they won't change their mind because you resorted to hyperbole.