Well, I'll go as far as to say that there's no such thing as unconscious malice. Malice is, by definition, conscious. So I don't see much of a grey area there.

I think the grey area you're pointing to is how it's interpreted by the offended party. How do we square the fact that Daphne wasn't offended but Terra Field was? And I think it's extremely important to any mature discussion for the offended party to take seriously the possibility that they've misinterpreted the intent.

That doesn't mean their feelings don't matter. But it does mean, as I think we've already agreed, that it's their job to explain to the offending party what they did wrong and how it caused harm. Preferably in a reasonable, non-hysterical way.

I think Dave's aim with the "ranking oppression" joke was to point out that there are layers to oppression. And an LGBT person can't simply paint themselves as a victim because they're LGBT, when they have other privileges that they can (and in the anecdote did) weaponise against him.

We've agreed numerous times that the joke was bad, and the point was clumsily made. But it is a point. I made the same point, with a much more positive spin, in my Tapestry of Privilege article.

So again, we've already agreed that the joke was bad. This conversation isn't about that. It's about a), whether the point he's making was bigoted (in which case why wasn't my privilege article? Or do you think it was?), and I guess I'd add b) whether this single joke is a fair lens through which to critique the entire special.