Yeah, I pretty much agree. For me it's more "how can we maximise fairness and safety for the maximum number of people?" which in most (though not all) cases is the same question as yours.

But yes, maybe you're taking my use of the word "segregated" too literally. I know that people who aren't traditionally feminine aren't literally banned from female spaces, but they're subject to the gender policing you mention. The suspicious glances, the occasional verbal challenges from those who think they don't belong. The way that most people decide who to direct those challenges at is based on gender. Specifically, whether they are traditionally feminine enough.

Ironically, this is why trans women who "pass" use the women's bathroom without issue, and why trans men who "pass" would struggle. Their sex isn't the issue because nobody is checking their genitals. Their gender presentation is the issue.

Thanks for replying too. It's always good to hear different perspectives on these complicated issues. I think we'd be much further along if more people had conversations like these.