Yep, this is basically the problem. You can't control what people say. But they can't control how you feel.

It *feels* like they can sometimes, because there are so many things we're told we should be offended by nowadays. But I think the most empowering thing in the world is to genuinely realise that you have all the control over how a word makes you feel.

Bullies say these things because they believe there's a straight line between what they want you to feel and what you *will* feel. Seeing somebody realise that's not the case is a truly beautiful thing. And often very profound for them too. It's as if the pain they hoped to infliict is reflected back onto them. I truly believe that boy will be far less keen to use that word ever again.