Your Feelings Are Assholes.
Your pain isn’t protecting you, it’s feeding on you.
They say that pain is important. That it’s there to protect you. Well, I say that’s bullshit. Half the time when your knee hurts you’ve got no fucking idea why it’s doing, so and then one day it stops and you have no idea whether you were protected from anything or if your knee was just being an asshole.
Even pain that serves a clear purpose isn’t protecting you. I mean, say you’re walking down the street one day and you fall into a hole and break your leg. Your leg hurts because it’s important that you know you’ve broken it. Fine. That makes sense. But then what? What about the next 6 to 8 weeks of pain? What about the agony which prevents you from climbing out of this mysterious hole? Why is the pain still there? Does pain seriously think you’ll forget about the bone sticking out of your shin if it shuts the fuck up for a minute and lets you think?
Pain isn’t interested in protecting you. It just wants to fuck with you. As a means of defending your body, it’s almost completely useless. For every fire it stops you from putting your hand into, it provides hours of useless suffering which does you no good. At best, pain should last for a minute. Every second after that is stupid.
In fact, here’s how stupid your body’s “defence” mechanisms are. If you touch a live wire with 200 volts running through it, guess what happens; the muscles in your hand will contract involuntary, forcing you to keep holding onto it. That’s right. Your natural defence mechanisms make you cling to the thing that’s killing you as if your life depended on it.
This isn’t just true for physical pain. The same stupidity applies to psychological and emotional pain like fear and trauma too. Like when your brain reminds you of that stupid thing you did 20 years ago. Or tells you for the 50th time today that you’re stupid and a failure and nobody is ever going to truly love you. Who is asking for their brain to do this? Who is it “protecting”?
And you know what’s really sick? Your brain still tries to convince you that it’s on your side. That it’s trying to save you from the pain of rejection or unrealistic expectations. But think about what happens every time something new and potentially good comes into your life. I mean sure, you start off feeling good, but pretty soon your brain reminds you of how bad things can get, right? These worst-case scenarios start popping up out of nowhere and you’re freaking out for no reason at all.
So you know what? Pain can go suck it. I’m done with it. And you should be too. Every time it continuously reminds you of the fact that someone was mean to you or that your feelings are hurt, you should tell it where it can stick itself.
So your parents did a shitty job of being parents, or you didn’t get the job you wanted. Or you got dumped. So what? That thing, as shitty as it was, has already happened. Everything you’re feeling now is because you’re refusing to let go of that goddamn wire. You’re holding yourself in place, forcibly maintaining your connection to the source of your pain, and trying to convince yourself that doing so is somehow noble or necessary or unavoidable.
I’m not telling you not to feel. I’m not saying don’t be angry. Shout, scream, rage, punch the motherfucker in the face if that’s what needs to happen. Resistance is natural for as long as it persists. But there is nothing valuable about it. There’s no reason to fear losing it. Move on. You’re the only person feeling this pain. It’s not serving as a lesson to anybody else. It’s not making your point or changing anybody’s mind. It’s not fixing the past. It’s just hurting you, which, of course, is the only thing that pain can ever do.
Leave your pain behind as quickly as you can and don’t look back. Your relationship with pain is the one truly toxic relationship you have in your life. It isn’t there to protect you. It’s there to hold you back. It’s there to say “No.” “Wait.” “Not so fast.” It’s there to make you feel like you can’t. It’s there to keep you stuck so it can feed off of you. It is the one thing about you that serves you the least. So let it go.